Today It's Done

~A week ago a break I took
~Today the break I sustained
~No joy in what I had to do
~But do I had to, done I must
~For so long I've been trying
~For so long, explaining I've tried
~Her pain, my pain, our pain, no pain
~But in the end, of the end, to the end
~...The End

Well it's finally done. It took me a week in building. I had to tell her that I needed a break from everything and I wanted to be left alone for a week so that I could focus on job and studies and everything else. During that week I told her about my pains and I led up to yesterday when I confessed to her that I felt I was too scarred to commit myself to a relationship right now and to today when I told her one last time that we could be no more.

Unlike last time, I told her that we could be no more and that it was absolute. I told her that I would still speak to her if she wants but I would not see her again. I told her that I care about her but that I simply cannot be what she wants me to be at this time. I told her there is no hope today or in the future as far as I can see.

I've tried to tell her this time and time before but I've always let her tears turn to a hug and a hug to an eventual kiss. Her pain has been my weakness. It kills me that I've hurt her in this way, but it simply cannot be. I've set down my foot this time, we will not meet face to face again, probably forever this time because I do not trust that I will not fall weak to her pain again if we do.

Believe it or not, as tough as this is and as much as it may hurt, I believe this is best for her. I cannot be what she wants me to be.