Forceful I fear, I will need to be~
If I'm to end this thing~
It's already dead~
No feelings, no passion~
Just empty~
Why do I care so much~
Why does it bother me~
Why do her tears slice me like a knife~
Why did I ever let this go in the first place~
Why haven't I ended it already~
Well, my attempt at breaking up didn't work out. I think I am too concerned for her feelings and trying too hard not to hurt her. But isn't it already too late for that. I carry scars that have not yet healed and we simply can't work out., not at this time, not here and now.
She tried to tend to my every pleasure this morning. My mind was elsewhere and I felt like I was just laying there, along for the ride. Not good at all :(
I have to find it in myself to end this now, no matter her tears, no matter her pain. I don't like hurting people but I am hurting her more by not going ahead and hurting he rnow. And am I not hurting myself. I toil over this daily, morning and night. I just wish that I could turn up the silence.
3 comments:
Wow
I find it admiring how you care for her feelings so much. However I've become a firm believer that we only have one life and should enjoy if not every moment then most moments. You can't stay with someone to keep them happy. Even if she has a few tears it will be better in the end for both of you.
Brandi-
>My mind was elsewhere and I felt like I was just laying there, along for the ride.
i read this, and i feel you are feeling so bad. don't punish yourself, i think you are who is feeling worse right now, not even is the situation in which you are ok but not in love, something comfortable or easy. you cannot fulfill the desires or inner dreams of the others, james. i know as you have suffered so much, and give value to pain, and know how painful it is, you dont want to provoke it. but... you cannot make any 'ideal land' for anybody, unfortunately, only each of us can be that for ourselves. look at you, please.
love you a little bit, and give you time.
wish you all the best...
Thanks for your thoughts Brandi and Sophie, they are appreciated.
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